you know, it’s strange how life ebbs and flows like the waves of the ocean. it’s just as if to to keep you in this perfect balance. lately i’ve been riding so high i’ve been above the clouds. i’ve been joking lately with all my friends that life has been suspiciously good. things with tony are as wonderful as ever, my relationship with all my family is great, my new job is beyond fantastic, my friends have been so supportive and excited for me lately, and being a part of mamma mia has been the most unforgettable experience already. i just can’t believe how lucky i’ve been. now, this is not to say things aren’t still amazing, i’m so happy with how things have been!
this week at rehearsal we sang through most of the show for mamma mia and just listening to the melodies, harmonies, and the sheer talent surrounding me made me immensely emotional. i was so overwhelmed with how thankful i am to have had such a great opportunity to be in this cast with so many professional and amazing people. i went to thank my director after rehearsal and as i walked to my car, i broke out into tears. i sat there in the driver’s seat and just sobbed and sobbed – i was just too happy! i’ve often asked myself, “am i allowed to be this happy?” i know that sounds like a silly and baiting question, but after a life of something always being wrong, it’s strange to be so incredibly at peace.
this morning i got the calendar notification that tomorrow marks what would have been miemo’s 35th birthday. it makes me sad to think she won’t be here to reach another year of life and love. thinking about the people i’ve lost last year makes me even more focused on living my life to the fullest. i’m such a whiner – i complain about everything, but here i am, alive. i’m thinking of miemo and ryan today and the kind of people they were. it’s always the kindest people who lived life so incredibly fully that seem to go. what amazing examples they are.
today i’m going to try asking myself, “how can i keep working to be happier?” as opposed to “am i allowed to be this happy?” i don’t always feel like i’m a deserving person, but i’m trying my best to make the most of this life of mine. remembering those who are gone and what they’ve taught me makes me want to work even harder. i miss them each day, and when i think of them i send a silent prayer that the loved ones they’ve left behind can find strength.
please check out this amazing page dedicated to miemo. any and all support for her family can sometimes move mountains. Xx
kaffinejo's musings 