lately i’ve been thinking about how every person has different sides to them; there’s the person you are when you’re comfortable, when you’re nervous, when you’re at work, when you’re irritable – there are so many faces behind one person. not only that, but people have different behavior depending on who they are with.
i’m no exception.
most of my life i’ve been seen as a bubbly, spunky, and happy-go-lucky person. i am easily amused, wear my heart on my sleeve, and i have an abnormally high amount of candor. but i’m human, too. i have quiet days, i can be the calm and collected one. most people don’t see that side, but perhaps i reserve that only for people i deem to be special. i mean, if you can’t handle me at my most obnoxious, do you deserve me at my most caring and thoughtful?
but it’s not just myself, i’ve found throughout life that i’ve met people who are completely different around me than they are around others. and recently i’ve met all sorts of new people that have really surprised me – both in good ways and bad ways. i value loyalty above all, and if you were to ask any of my closest friends they’d say that i give an immense amount of love, but i always expect the same – if not more – in return.
of course, this is not the wisest way to go about my business. i’ve been disappointed numerous times by people i held in high regard. i’ve always fallen too easily and too hard – both in a romantic and platonic way. i’m fairly certain that this naive way of making friends is to blame for the conflict i’ve always found myself in time and time again. but i also believe that this is the way i’ve found people i truly cherish and after such trials and pains, i always see who comes out in the end still by my side.
perhaps if i showed my simpler side, and didn’t crave attention so much, i could skip the drama and just find people of value more efficiently. some parts of me wonder if that will come with time, and as i grow both in maturity and age, i’ll have an easier time balancing my outward persona with my inward one. perhaps it’s best to be more reserved with people, keeping the ability to hurt me away from them. but there’s a fine line between being cautious and changing who you are.
it’s possible that i’ll never truly figure out how to make hoards of friends, or how to stop giving love to those who don’t quite deserve it. as the years pass, i become more guarded and jaded, but i’m hoping that those who have stuck by me will always remind me that there are still truly wonderful people in the world. and as i think more on it, i’m so lucky to be able to enjoy being close to some of the best. they show me their most wonderful sides while we work on our harshest sides together. and as i see each kind of person they can be, i grow to love them more each day.
as the days pass i become more and more comfortable with myself. i’m learning to cherish not only who i am, but all the sides i have. some days i don’t really like the person i see in the mirror, but the good news is that’s not who i am every day. with each morning there’s another opportunity to make the part i dislike at least a little bit better than before. and with such great people by my side, how can i be anything other than thankful?