kissing frogs

in october i started a whole new section of my life, being single. i’ve been in a relationship for the past nine years of my life – starting when i was fifteen.

my first serious relationship lasted six years and even included an engagement! it was a young love, though, and unfortunately ended on a terrible note. my second serious relationship was three years long and full of love, but sometimes love just isn’t enough. compatibility is also important – everyone has different needs, and after a while i realized that my needs weren’t being met. but that’s okay – just because two people don’t work out, it doesn’t necessarily mean that either of them was flawed or wrong – sometimes you just don’t fit.

so i began my  journey these past couple months of learning who i am, what i want in a partner, and what things are important to me. i learned that i am a high maintenance person – i require a lot of emotional attention and a lot of reassurance. i need all-in commitment and i value transparency and loyalty. i crave physical affection and intimacy. i can be obsessive and demanding, but none of those are bad things, they’re just who i am and i need a partner who can handle them. but in exchange, i realized i’m incredibly loving. i give all i can to a person, and am often willing to sacrifice whatever i can for another’s happiness. i noticed the kindness i have, and the many things i have to offer to someone who can meet me where i need them. i’m a good looking person, healthy, and i have a strong personality. there’s a lot about me that could attract people – but the real question was how do i make them stay?

for the months i’ve been exploring myself, my brother has told me time and time again, “stop kissing frogs.” i never really understood what this meant. did he mean, stop going for ugly boys? stop settling for crappy people? was it an implication that all i’ve ever done was be with frogs? it was a phrase i hated, and i sat there and tried to ignore it no matter how much it bothered me.

and as the months passed, i fell into the same patterns – chasing boys, crushing easily, wearing my heart of my sleeve, and imagining a future with a guy who made me feel even slightly special but didn’t fit any kind of criteria. but i don’t regret it – going through those disappointments, heartaches, highs, and lows taught me so much about myself. i learned that i was tired of boys – i wanted a man. i learned that i wanted to be chased for once in my life – a guy to make the first move. i realized i shouldn’t be wondering how to make someone stay, i should wonder if i wanted to stay myself. and after five months of constant dating and disappointment, i decided – forget it! i’m done dating!

it’s always when you stop looking. that’s when it happens. that’s when someone irreplaceable comes along.

and now i’m with this amazing guy. he treats me like i’m the end all, be all. he’s affectionate, transparent, attractive, not afraid to talk about the future, and is a real grown man. he makes the first move, courts me, and pursues me equally – if not even more so – than i him. he makes me feel like a queen – and on more than one occasion has called me exactly that. and then suddenly, it all made sense. only a prince knows how to treat a queen, and only a prince can become a queen’s king. why did i spend so much time kissing frogs hoping that they’d turn into my prince, when i could have just found someone who was a prince in the first place? the phrase my brother used so often fell perfectly into place.

it’s incredible; the years i spent crying and aching for someone to learn to love me – all to lead up to someone who would just do it naturally. and although it’s early, and anything can happen – i feel like i really learned so many lessons up to this point, enough to help me make the right choice this time around. perhaps now, because i know myself, my needs, and my desires, it will just fit.

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