things we don’t mean

img_3526.jpgi’m sure i’m not the only one who has said something just to be hurtful. this past weekend i was definitely guilty of that. what riles us up so much that we have to be hurtful as opposed to loving? how do we control the urge to throw daggers with our words just because we’re upset or hurt? regret is a very interesting thing, it’s a way of critically analyzing ourselves to avoid future disappointment. but why is it that even when we’ve said things we regret, we turn around and say those same things again?

i’ve been told that i have a very sharp tongue, and that sometimes i can be downright cruel. i can’t help but wonder if those things are a reflection of who i am as a person. sometimes i’m scared that this is a thing about me that i will never be able to change, or something that i can train myself to do differently over time. is it just easier to slash people away with words than it is to close your mouth and listen? perhaps the mean things we say are a way of throwing out a barrier because we are afraid of being disappointed.

i will do everything i can to change the way i speak when i’m hurt – but sometimes i can’t help but be fearful that i can never change, and i’ll only lose the most important people.

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